Let’s start with the obvious: location sharing is a pretty cool example of modern technology. If a friend, family member, or partner has shared their location with you on their phone, you can open up the relevant app and see exactly where they (or at least their phone) are at any given time.

My wife and I do have location sharing turned on, but use it only sparingly. For example, when we ran a half-marathon together earlier this year, I used it to make sure I was ready to get video of her crossing the finish line. And if you’re like me and you’ve ever wanted to time dinner to romantically coincide with your partner’s arrival home, you know how valuable a resource this can be. It definitely has its uses.

But can location sharing be an invasion of privacy? If you’re in a committed romantic relationship, should you always share your location with your partner, and is it a major red flag if you don’t?

Benefits and Drawbacks of Location Sharing

There’s a case to be made on either side of the issue. Let’s look at some of the pros and cons of sharing your location.

Pros

There are some very clear scenarios where you might wish you had this feature turned on, and most of them don’t really have much to do with relationship dynamics:

• You’ve lost your phone: This is a big one, to be fair, and the feature’s main purpose. If your phone slipped out of your bag or was stolen, and is still turned on somewhere, your partner will be able to track it if location sharing is turned on.
• Personal safety: If you’re traveling somewhere alone, maybe getting a ride-share home after a night out, etc, location sharing is a way to let others know that you’re safely on your way or alert them to any irregularities in your travel plan. There are enough ride-share horror stories out there that you may want share your location, at least situationally.
• Logistics: Like the scenarios I mentioned above, there may be times that you or your partner are traveling and don’t have the ability to update your location in real-time. So if you’re trying to meet somewhere, figure out when to place your takeout order, or preparing a surprise bubble bath for your partner, location sharing is one way to make sure you get your timing right.

Our Take

My husband and I don’t share our locations since we usually know where the other one is 90% of the time. I do have it shared with my sister and one of my best friends for ride share safety purposes.

—
ANDRIA PARK HUYNH

Cons

There are also some potential downsides to sharing your location with a partner, but it depends on the particulars of your relationship:

• It can feel (and be) invasive: Nobody wants to be traceable 24 hours a day or feel like someone—even your closest loved one—is looking over your shoulder at all times.
• It can erode trust in your relationship: This all depends on the circumstances of how you’ve come to the decision to share your location, and any boundaries you may have set. We’ll dig into this more below, but if you or your partner constantly feel the need to check up on the other to make sure they are where they said they’d be, there’s a major problem under the hood.

Your Right to Privacy in a Relationship

Honesty and open communication are major foundations of healthy long-term romantic relationships. In general, it’s best not to hide things from our partners. That said, even if you’re in a committed relationship, you still have a right to privacy. You and your partner must work together to decide where the boundaries are in your relationship, and to clarify what is or isn’t an invasion of privacy for both of you.

Our Take

My boyfriend and I share our locations and I mostly just think it’s fun to see where he is around the city, or to get a sense of when he might be coming home. It never feels like an invasion of privacy.

One important thing to note: you don’t want to make assumptions. If your partner is against sharing their location, it doesn’t necessarily mean they have something to hide, and it won’t be productive if you begin stewing on the idea that they are cheating without actual evidence.

How to Have the Location Sharing Talk

If you’ve ever scoured the r/Relationships subreddit for some laughs on a rainy day, you might notice a pattern—a lot of people in relationships don’t realize that the simple act of talking to their partner is the first step to resolving whatever mini-crisis caused them to try to crowdsource conflict resolution tips from Reddit in the first place.

So, how do you have the location sharing conversation with your partner? Keep it simple:

• Location sharing is (or should be) a two-way street—so too is the conversation. Make sure to involve your partner in the discussion and decision-making.
• If your partner doesn’t want to do it, give them the space to explain why. And if the roles are reversed, be prepared to articulate why you’re against it.
• If you agree to share locations, make sure to set reasonable boundaries that you’re both comfortable with. For example, maybe there will only be specific situations where you will have it turned on.

If there is mutual trust in your relationship, there’s no reason for this conversation to go off the rails.

Location Sharing Red Flags

Here are some examples of potential red flags that may come up around the conversation of location sharing. If any of these look familiar, there may be bigger issues than deciding whether or not to share your location:

• Your partner demands to know where you are at a given time, and/or demands that you share your location so that they always know where you are.
• Your partner demands to know what you were doing when they checked your location and you weren’t where they expected you to be.
• Your partner makes it clear that they want you to share your location because they don’t trust you.
• Your partner constantly checks your location (or you constantly feel the need to check theirs).
• Your partner refuses to share their location despite asking you to share yours.

Takeaways

If you talk to your partner and agree on your respective boundaries, location sharing doesn’t need to turn into some kind of wedge issue in your relationship. Limit the times you use it only to when you have a specific reason for doing so. It should never be used as a replacement for honesty and open communication, and certainly not as a way to spy on your partner.